A Tale of Ghosting and the Loss of Friendship

I’ve always felt myself to be a likeable person. I’ve never strived to be the girl constantly surrounded by friends, but I’ve never experienced meeting someone who right off the bat didn’t like me. I consider myself an outgoing, friendly, considerably nonjudgmental, fairly nice gal.

I’ve always had the mindset of — I’ll give anyone a shot. It doesn’t matter if you’re shy, doesn’t matter if you’re loved by all, popular or introverted. My rule: if you’re nice and genuine I’ll give you the same in return.
I love having friends, I think everyone does, or so I thought. In the past I’ve been surrounded by friends of all kinds; the ones you talk to and see every day, the ones that you see on occasion and the ones you never really see but when you do see them, nothing has changed. Now that I’m in my 20’s (scary), I know those friendships are unique and special.

In the past year I’ve lost more than a few friends; some suddenly and others gradually, let me tell you, either way — it sucks. I can honestly say it’s the closest thing I’ve experienced to a breakup. I’m referring to the feeling that you experience when you break a bond based on trust, loyalty, and kindness, built over the years you’ve spent with that person. A person who was there for you through the good and the bad, through sickness and in health — ok, that might be a little much but sounds familiar, right?

Losing a friend is a terrible experience, it’s an emotional state of self-deprecation, doubting yourself and even doubting the existence of true friendship. What did I do wrong? Why couldn’t we move past this? Were you ever my real friend?

My mom always told me, “people grow apart and no friendship is ever worth forcing” this remains true today. Out of all my losses, the one factor that remained constant was the lack of maturity. People who you were once close with and saw as family, you now see differently. It isn’t a matter of who is the better person or who is more mature; it is the fact everyone matures differently and you can’t always understand people’s reasons for doing what they do.

Or for lack of a better phrase — I’ve stopped trying.

I’ve stopped trying to understand why the people you see as friends are suddenly rude or even worse — have dropped off the face of the earth and decide not to respond to your messages altogether.

I will not give any more of my energy to understanding these actions. It is exhausting trying to put back together the pieces of a friendship, especially when the other person isn’t willing to try.

Either way, you both lose in the end, no one wins in a failed friendship. There is always hope that overtime both individuals can see their mistakes and forgive because I believe that’s what maturity is based upon. Nothing grows from hate, selfishness, or by creating drama. Being able to understand, be civil, and forgive, then maybe we can get somewhere.